How To Disappear Completely

Bogged down by Blogging Honesty

Sometimes I use my blog to wade through muddled thoughts, but then I encounter the crisis of what to do with the entries later. I usually unpublish them, storing them in the dark recesses of "Draft" statushood.

Which leads me to the crisis of figuring out the telos of this blog. What's it all about? It's my blog. I guess I can do with it as I want. I avoid politics, considering that enough of you out there excel in the opinion-making business. I benefit from you, but lack any desire to join the ranks. The topic of this blog generally happens to be some sort of napoleonic "whatever I feel like doing, Gosh!" Ego-centric, perhaps. Or maybe only a result of the egocentric predicament. I have the odd sensation, though, of being outside looking in....at....me? Is this me in this blog? Obviously I wrote it. And yes, if people really want to know something about me, they can deduce it from these entries. A scary thought. One loses control, because anyone can read them. Indeed, it seems anyone does.

Thus, one gets ideas of what one ought to be like, and tries to project that image, spouting explanations of "blog privacy" and "it's selfish to drivel," but in the end, I realize that my rationales all boil down to self-protection.

On the other hand, I run into the fear of changing my blogging style just to keep up with the hip trend of Cyber Vulnerability. The following is an excerpt from a comment I left on a friend's blog, regarding honesty in the blogworld:

"Someone once told me that honesty is something we expect from others, but rarely give ourselves. I don't mind being honest--but only when appropriate. I've had friends who told me everything so excessively that I felt as though I was their blanket they carried everywhere...and I was getting pretty soggy. So I decided not to be quite so open myself. But then I find that other friends want to know about you and find closed lips hurtful. As in all of life, there is a balance somewhere. Finding it in the blog world, where you have little idea regarding your true readership, is difficult."

So, I have decided that if I write something personal, then I will place it in the extended entry. Somehow, adding an extra step of access gives me the delusional feeling that only people who particularly care about reading what I wrote will venture forward to the finish.