How To Disappear Completely

Tired But Thankful

Tired of walking in the wind to school.
Tired of wearing a scarf because it's prettier and won't muss my hair, instead of my hat, which is warm.
Tired of being too stubborn to end fruitless debates.
Tired of being too cowardly to ask important questions.
Tired of having my words twisted to say what I don't agree with.
Tired of feeling compelled to explain myself.
Tired of feeling incompetant.
Tired of worrying about the future.
Tired of freshmen undergraduates trying to flirt with me, even after I explain that I am in a graduate program and hope they figure out I am at least five years older.
Tired of conforming to class systems.
Tired of despising what I don't like and getting defensive about what I do.
Tired of my pride.
Tired of my legalism.
Tired of being different from my nonChristian friends only in that I don't have sex on occasion, swear a lot, or get drunk over the weekends (I mean, does my faith really consist of such superficial distinctions?)
Tired of feeling alone.
Tired of wondering how to love people.
Tired of being too afraid to try.

Thankful for empty buses that stop just as you reach the bus stop and that take you the rest of the way to school.
Thankful for wool mittens.
Thankful for Christian friends who refuse complacency and struggle to know God.
Thankful for challenges to examine my motives.
Thankful for church friends who invite me to supper and birthday parties.
Thankful for guys who are kind.
Thankful for grandparent figures and high schoolers.
Thankful that others are willing to bridge the generation gap.
Thankful for God's grace.
Thankful for the removal of boasting material.
Thankful for God's presence.
Thankful for God's love.
Thankful for God's faithfulness.
Thankful for God's truth.
Thankful for God's sovereignty.

Eyes from self to God shatters pride and pours joy in wineskins of new mold.