How To Disappear Completely

I wanna be a ballet dancer...no, an astronaut.

“I know what I want, but I just don’t know how to go about getting it." Jimi Hendrix.
"Manic Depression," Are You Experienced?, 1967.

I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Scratch that. I know what I want to be when I grow up.
I don't know what God wants me to be when I grow up.

I want to want what God wants, but I start to feel tired trying.

Why the disconnect?

But...I am happy now. Why does the future seem so ominous? A horror flick: what you don't see scares.

Escape routes. Alternative options. Dead ends. Rerouting. Closed for construction. Speeding ticket. English round-about. Flat tire. Neighbor with jump cables. Bed and breakfast. Journey's end.

If I know where I am going, does it matter how I get there?