How To Disappear Completely

Surrender pronto or we'll level Toronto!

Thanks to my Canadian friends, I find some gems sometimes. Such as Michael Moore's Canadian Bacon. We watched this on the bus ride back from Carlton. I think the Canadians got more fun watching me laugh to death over the blatant American/Canadian stereotypes depicted in the film. The basic premise is that Americans are facing unemployment and depression because the end of the Cold War signaled a decline in demand for weapons. So an armaments factory is going under, and M-16s and long-range missles are going for 50 bucks a pop at a local auction. So "Big Business" finangles its way into the President's inner circle and suggests that the US go to war with somebody. Anybody. And the President jokingly suggests Canada as the most ridiculous alternative. And the war hype begins....

Think melodramatic announcer "scare" voice...

Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor: Think of your children pledging allegiance to the maple leaf. Mayonnaise on everything. Winter 11 months of the year. Anne Murray - all day, every day.

[TV Announcer describes the Canadian National Tower in Toronto]
Edwin S. Simon, NBS News Anchor: It is the height of six American football fields, or five Canadian football fields. As if Canadian football really counts.
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Gus: Canadians are always dreaming up a lotta ways to ruin our lives. The metric system, for the love! Celsius! Neil Young!
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U.S. President: You sold control of American missiles to a foreign country?
R.J. Hacker, President of Hacker Dynamics: If you can call Canada foreign.
Smiley: Or a country.
*******
And the exchange rate has gotten slightly better...
Highway Patrolman: I do have to fine you. That will be a thousand dollars Canadian, or 10 American dollars if you prefer.

The Patrolman is speaking to some Americans who have sneaked across the border in order to wreck havoc on the "evil" Canadians. These "rednecks" have spray-painted their truck with derogatory remarks about Canada. The Patrolman stopped them because they weren't complying with Canada's dual language law. So they had to respray in French every insult they had put on their truck. Ha.Ha.

Anyway, if you are into laughing at yourself and the world at large, then you should watch this film. It's kind of stupid, if you are looking for epic drama and deep philosophical answers to life. But sometimes you just need to laugh. And the philosophical answers will come later.